Inang, Paalam.

May 6, 2016.


In a gloomy, rushing evening. 




On Wednesday evening, I said goodbye to a woman who’s seen me grow up for the 22 years of my life. In fact I didn’t really “say goodbye”. She left this physical world in the wee hours of her birthday, when I was at the office grinding my laptop away. Shocked and unprepared.


I can blame myself for not having spent more time with her, but I won’t.


Inang was a proud woman. I can see that always every time I go to her bound. I can see that through her eyes, tears uncontrollably rolling down her face, always, in all my stories, happy or sad, sensical or not.


She had been around for much of my life so far, that it seemed an unspoken promise that she would be around forever- a foolish thought that I had, that I could keep her for long. It is such times that I ought to have been reminding myself that loved bits and pieces will surely leave us, or are already leaving. Whatever life has granted us, it is really loaned to us.


A friend said that in these moments, the mind will be filled with “But I was going to…” and “If only I …” It matters not how much I had spent time with her, or how much her absence will be felt. What does matter now is the presence she had been in life, that she played a significant part of my existence. That my life would have been lesser without her.

The recollection of her memory will eventually become pleasant to me, even if it is bittersweet. I had the good fortune of having Inang close at hand.

The remembrance of Inang serves to remind me to cherish those with me while I have them.
And her passing tells me to love those around me as if I should one day lose them, so that when I have lost them, I would have them still. Voices me to be strong, chase my dreams every day, that she would like to see me on TV someday, become an Attorney, ride her out of the country when I have already my own wheels and bring her to America to experience winter.

You do not know Inang, I am living with your dreams, I will someday reach those.


Thank you. I love you.  Rest in peace.
 

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